New Ideas For Taco Bell

Earlier today, I read an article about Taco Bell wrapping a baked potato in a tortilla. My imagination ran wild with this new information. That is why I am here now, ready to share with you my ideas for what Taco Bell could do to take this whole "burrito" thing to an epic level.

Before we get started, here is the link to the original article.

Now, instead all of these new burritos being sold at every location, they would be sold at whatever region it would best suit. Some could be sold everywhere, some wouldn't make it 5 miles out of it's city or state. In most cases, they would be tested at a ballpark, kind of like this one here.

All of these burritos will start with a big ass tortilla. For beans and rice, I'll write B&R. After that....you'll have to see for yourself.

The Fat Fuck Burrito- B&R, cold chunks of Irish Butter, 1 entire pack of deep fried bacon, cheese whiz and potato chips. Covered in a brown gravy made with Lard. Mmmm....lard.

The Gamer Burrito - B&R, flaming hot Cheetos, 2 hot dogs, pepper jack cheese and a Mountain Dew Code Red reduction sauce.

The Stoner Burrito - Crumbled Rice Krispy treats, Jelly beans (get it, rice and beans), bologna, american cheese, ketchup and flaming hot Cheetos. Yeah, I'd get fucked up before eating this one.

The GB Packer Burrito - It's just a 3lb block of cheddar cheese wrapped in a tortilla. It also comes with coupons to your local bowling alley. What the fuck else do they do in Wisconsin???

The Mississippi Burning Burrito - Meatloaf and mashed potatoes wrapped in a tortilla. It's rolled out longer than normal, to cut the back portion off. The back portion is then cut in half and each piece is placed on each side of the rest of the burrito to make the shape of a cross. When they serve it to you, they pour a little 151 on top and set it a blaze. This could be a huge hit down south.

The Vegan Burrito - It's just a handful of dirt wrapped in some pansy whole wheat wrap. The company knows that the odds of a vegan eating there are slim to none.

The Portland Burrito - Coffee smoked salmon, wild rice, organic carrots and ramps, and fresh leaves of cannabis.

The Cuban a.k.a The Elian Burrito - All the normal fixings of a Cuban sandwich wrapped in a tortilla. Only difference is that it's served on a small rubber ring and comes with a cigar.

The New Yorker - The tortilla is covered in marinara, sheets of lasagna pasta are laid down on that. More marina. Mozzarella, peppers, basil and braised sewer rat finish this off. When served, the employee is REQUIRED to tell you to "Go Fuck Yourself".

The Broke Back Burrito - B&R, braised buffalo, roasted fingerling potatoes and au jus. As it being serverd, they take a smoked venison sausage and ram it into the back of the burrito. Then, they take a squeeze bottle with mexican crema and shoot it across the top of it 3 or 4 times.

What better way to end this than with a money shot.

If you are wondering how much time I spent on this, no more than the time to actually type it out. I had about 4 of them thought up when I read the original article. The rest I came up with as I was typing.

That's it for now. Hope you got at least 1 laugh out of this. If you didn't, that's just too fucking bad!

I'm out.

J. Miller

The Bison Burger

Hi Everybody! Glad you could make it back for another edition of my blog. What you see above is something that had piqued my interest for quite a while. The Ralph's market in my neighborhood started selling this last year. I would always pass by it and say "That looks interesting. I'll try it next paycheck." I don't know how many months I said this, but it was a while before I finally said "Fuck it" and bought it.

Why all the hesitation in such a simple purchase? The price. It was $8.99 for this one package. Good cuts of steak are less per pound than this stuff. I'm not a complete cheapskate, but this is pushing it, especially for ground meat. But, on the other hand, this was going to be something new for me. I didn't know anything about it, so it could have tasted like gold for all I knew. In the end, I knew I was gonna try this stuff eventually. What better time than now?

I knew I was going to make a burger out of the bison meat, so I got all the standard burger fixings, except pickles. I don't like pickles. They suck. Case closed.

First thing I did was rough chop some onion and saute until it started to get some color.

I separated the ground bison into two patties. For those of you that don't know me that well, when I make burgers, I don't fuck around with sliders or small patties. It's go big or piss off!

As you can see, the bison is a bit on the lean side. I don't have any pics of when it was cooking, but I can tell you that it didn't leave a pool of fat in the pan.

The only things I seasoned the burgers with was salt and pepper. Even though I did add a slice of cheese to the finished burger, I didn't want to cover the true taste of the meat.

Now for a closer look.

Now for the Diner's, Drive ins and Dives cut-my-burger-in-half shot.

Look at that! Spread open for the world to see! With a hot, juicy pink center! That just makes my mouth water.

So how does it taste? Pretty good. Nine dollars a pound good? No. It didn't have a "gamey" taste to it, but you could tell that it wasn't beef from a cow. It had a richness that is a little difficult for me to describe.

With it being lean, you aren't going to have juice running down your arm. But it's overall taste is of good quality. I hate using catchy phrases, but I guess you could say it has an "earthy" flavor.

Overall, it was a tasty burger. But, I don't think I'll be buying any more bison meat anytime soon. If you want to try something different, but don't like lamb or goat, give this one a go.

I'm out.

J. Miller

Hash House A Go Go

Here we are people! My last post from my vacation stops. The truth is, I didn't go on vacation for the blog. I went to see family and enjoy the time with them. So let's get to it!

First off, I'm sorry!!!! I said I was going to post on Wednesday and I didn't! I know, my bad. For this little fuck up, you get to call me a lying bastard one time. Any more than once, and I will whoop that ass! Now for the review!

Hash House A Go Go has been reviewed by damn near every major food magazine and food television network. If you want a detailed review, check your favorite food site(besides my page). For this, I'm just gonna stick with what I had, the Sage Fried Chicken and Bacon Waffles.

I gotta say, even if I wasn't doing this blog, I still would have taken a picture of this. When the server sets this down in front of you, don't be surprised if the first words that come out of your mouth are "HOLY SHIT!" It really is a sight to behold.

The chicken was cooked very well. Tender. Juicy. All that good shit. The addition of sage takes the flavor of it all to a whole new depth. It really gives the chicken a deep, savory richness.

The waffles were light, even with a big bacon slice running down the middle of it. I think that speaks volumes in itself.

I know that's a quick description, but I don't have it in me right now to go on and on about it. Just know it's good and worth every penny.

On a side note, I saw Coolio there. Yeah, that's about all he is now, a fucking side note.

While in Vegas, I got the lucky opportunity to get on an internet radio show! It was only for a few minutes, but it was awesome!!! The show is called Vegas Unwrapped. Follow the link and check it out!

The two gentlemen in the front are Aaron Phillips and Ricky Cash, the hosts of the show. In the back is the engineer, Hawkeye Mark.

The Gods must have been smiling on me that day, because the first group of guests appearing on the show that night were players from the Lingerie Football League!!! They happened to be from the local team, The Las Vegas Sin.

Seeing these women on TV is one thing. When you see them in person....GODDAMN!! These women were bangin'!! The only thing I knew for sure when I saw them was that there was no fucking way I wasn't getting a picture with them. Check this shit out!!!!

It was a very good day, indeed.

There's no topping that, so I'm gonna end it here.

Giggity!

J. Miller