Unique Eats & Sweets

I've said before and I'll say it again: I watch a lot of Food TV. If I have the TV on, it's probably on Food Network or The Cooking Channel. Maybe the Travel Channel from time to time, just to see Adam Richman gorge himself. Most of the time, I don't pay too much attention to the shows. I mostly listen out to hear something different than the normal "My spin on a classic" or the ever popular "Quick and Easy" recipe. But, there are some shows that even I can't tolerate to be on the screen for more than a minute or two. When they come on, I frantically search for the remote to change the channel before I have to hear any nonsense that will spew from the mouths from the jack-asses on these shows.

So, without further ado, lets talk about these two wastes of time called Unique Eats and Unique Sweets.

Before I start into these two pieces of shit, let me give you a little understanding about where I am coming from.

When I heard there was going to be a second cooking station, I was excited. I was hoping that this station would give food network some competition and make FN step their game up. Then I found out it was being run by FN. Bummer.

Not too long after The Cooking Channel started, Unique Eats came about. It's a show about some of the hip, trendy and rising stars of the culinary community. And because the culinary world can be just as trendy as the fashion world, I figured I would give the show a watch or two.

It didn't take me long to really start disliking this show. One of the main reasons at first was simple: Everything they did was in New York! The first two seasons, they should have just named the show "New York Eats".

Even after they decided to venture out of the Rotten Apple, the whole façade was really wearing thin. Each episode, you would have these uppity bloggers and hyped up chefs fawning over a dish like it was God's gift to humanity. Each person just going on and on about how they would kill their first born child to have one more bite of a dish! Enough already!!!

The tipping point for me came when they were at some bakery in Portland, OR(one of their favorite spots). All these talking monkeys were jizzing themselves over a maple donut. A FUCKING MAPLE DONUT!!! I was beside myself with anger over all the wasted time they spent on a GOD DAMN MAPLE FUCKING DONUT!! At this point, I knew I was done with this bullshit. Well, almost....

This little fuckwad pictured above is named Eddie Huang. He's got a restaurant in New York, and of course, thinks his shit don't stink because he's got a restaurant in New York. He's been under the wing of Anthony Bourdain for some time now, so he feels it necessary to be a total fucking asshole and dick head at every turn. He even took shots at Marcus Samuelsson, a well known accomplished chef who he couldn't hold a candle to. So I say...Fuck you Huang! You Mars Blackmon lookin' bitch ass motha fucka! Don't know who Mars Blackmon is? Take a look for yourself...

Where was I? Oh yeah, I was almost done with this horrible show when they decided to make a version of it all about pastries and desserts! Being a pastry chef, it was almost a duty to give it a watch.

Unfortunately, they didn't really change much with this version of the show. More chefs and bloggers going gaga over the simplest things. These two ladies above are on pretty much every episode. They aren't so bad, and I would bang the redhead like a guy fresh out of prison(like the movie American Me). But, there is something that really grinds my gears about this show: The representation of male pastry chefs.

Every single male pastry chef they have on this show is gay!!!! What the fuck?!?!?! Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm not a homophobe. But DAMN! This guy pictured above is sweeter than any dessert they have ever shown! At least have one straight pastry chef on there! Working in desserts does not mean you like to bite pillows! Ugh!!

Well, that's it for this rant. What do you think? Have you seen the shows and enjoy them? If so, what do you like about them? I'm always happy to hear the other side of an argument.

I'm out. And I don't mean 'out the closet' either. :-)