New Ideas For Taco Bell

Earlier today, I read an article about Taco Bell wrapping a baked potato in a tortilla. My imagination ran wild with this new information. That is why I am here now, ready to share with you my ideas for what Taco Bell could do to take this whole "burrito" thing to an epic level.

Before we get started, here is the link to the original article.

Now, instead all of these new burritos being sold at every location, they would be sold at whatever region it would best suit. Some could be sold everywhere, some wouldn't make it 5 miles out of it's city or state. In most cases, they would be tested at a ballpark, kind of like this one here.

All of these burritos will start with a big ass tortilla. For beans and rice, I'll write B&R. After that....you'll have to see for yourself.

The Fat Fuck Burrito- B&R, cold chunks of Irish Butter, 1 entire pack of deep fried bacon, cheese whiz and potato chips. Covered in a brown gravy made with Lard. Mmmm....lard.

The Gamer Burrito - B&R, flaming hot Cheetos, 2 hot dogs, pepper jack cheese and a Mountain Dew Code Red reduction sauce.

The Stoner Burrito - Crumbled Rice Krispy treats, Jelly beans (get it, rice and beans), bologna, american cheese, ketchup and flaming hot Cheetos. Yeah, I'd get fucked up before eating this one.

The GB Packer Burrito - It's just a 3lb block of cheddar cheese wrapped in a tortilla. It also comes with coupons to your local bowling alley. What the fuck else do they do in Wisconsin???

The Mississippi Burning Burrito - Meatloaf and mashed potatoes wrapped in a tortilla. It's rolled out longer than normal, to cut the back portion off. The back portion is then cut in half and each piece is placed on each side of the rest of the burrito to make the shape of a cross. When they serve it to you, they pour a little 151 on top and set it a blaze. This could be a huge hit down south.

The Vegan Burrito - It's just a handful of dirt wrapped in some pansy whole wheat wrap. The company knows that the odds of a vegan eating there are slim to none.

The Portland Burrito - Coffee smoked salmon, wild rice, organic carrots and ramps, and fresh leaves of cannabis.

The Cuban a.k.a The Elian Burrito - All the normal fixings of a Cuban sandwich wrapped in a tortilla. Only difference is that it's served on a small rubber ring and comes with a cigar.

The New Yorker - The tortilla is covered in marinara, sheets of lasagna pasta are laid down on that. More marina. Mozzarella, peppers, basil and braised sewer rat finish this off. When served, the employee is REQUIRED to tell you to "Go Fuck Yourself".

The Broke Back Burrito - B&R, braised buffalo, roasted fingerling potatoes and au jus. As it being serverd, they take a smoked venison sausage and ram it into the back of the burrito. Then, they take a squeeze bottle with mexican crema and shoot it across the top of it 3 or 4 times.

What better way to end this than with a money shot.

If you are wondering how much time I spent on this, no more than the time to actually type it out. I had about 4 of them thought up when I read the original article. The rest I came up with as I was typing.

That's it for now. Hope you got at least 1 laugh out of this. If you didn't, that's just too fucking bad!

I'm out.

J. Miller